why are we still friends?
On friendships that last (even when nothing else does)
I often wonder how and why I’m still friends with certain people in my life.
Most of the friendships I have today began in college or school. We sat next to each other in class, shared a bus ride home, or lived in the same dorm. That’s it. In many cases, we don’t have much in common. We don’t share hobbies, or even similar personalities. And that makes me pause and think - how did we even become friends?
When it comes to my roommates who became close friends, it makes complete sense. We lived together for 4 YEARS. That's a lot of studying together, crying together, lots of movie nights, complaining (endlessly) about the mess food, worrying about what life after college will look like (and honestly, we still do) - so it's only natural you become friends for life.
It's funny though. I often think how one of my really good friends now, if we hadn’t ended up in the same dorm room by chance, I don’t think we would’ve ever become friends. Life’s funny that way.
There are days when I wonder how are we still close? Some of us live in the same city, some in completely different parts of the country. And even when we’re nearby, it can be surprisingly hard to find the time to meet. We have different routines, different circles, and sometimes, different lives altogether. With a few friends, I’ve also noticed that we don’t always have much to talk about anymore. We end up chatting about college memories or other people we both knew, and not much beyond that. It’s not bad, it’s familiar, even comforting in a way, but sometimes I catch myself wondering, is this what our friendship is now? Just shared history and stories about the past?
And then I ask myself, should I still be in this friendship? Is it habit? loyalty? nostalgia? Or maybe something quieter, like a sense of comfort that doesn’t need constant renewal.
At the same time, I’ve lost touch with most of my school friends. Not because I don’t care, but because I’ve never been good at keeping in touch. My conversational skills are dry at best. I overthink text messages. I don’t know how to pick up a conversation that’s gone cold. But my college friends stuck with me anyway. Somehow, they looked past all that and stayed. And I’m so grateful.
A friendship that meant a lot to me faded over time, and just recently, I reached out, not expecting much. But it turned out they’d been feeling the same way I had. It made me realize how often we overthink these things.
Friendship is strange like that. Some relationships fall apart even when you try to hold on, some only need a small push to come back to life. Others survive with almost no effort at all. Maybe it’s not about compatibility or constant communication. Maybe it's about who sat next to you when life felt uncertain, and who stayed even after the storm passed. And while I hold on to these old friendships, there’s always room for new ones in this chapter of life, through work, shared interests, or even quiet connections. It’s a different kind of friendship now, less about constant proximity and more about shared understanding. And maybe, that’s just as meaningful.
So why are we still friends?
Maybe it’s shared history. Or maybe it’s something simpler. We were there for each other, once, in a way that left a permanent mark. And that’s enough.